There's a team of writers and producers working overtime to put us into shit situations, but once we realize who they are, we can start to change the story.
I have to say, finding anyone willing to tell you the hard truth or just their honest contrary opinion anymore is challenging. I used to pride myself on being that person... possibly too blunt about it all, but I feel like my edges have dulled getting adapted in US culture, that is all about unwavering support, or at least that's what it feels like to me.
I love this concept of being your own life producer and writer. It's a perspective I rarely think about. And yes I definitely attract the drama... I need to stop saying I'm so good in the chaos, I can organize the mess.... cuz then all I do is attract more of the same stress into my life... That was a cycle for years, leading to multiple burnouts. I had the opportunity this year to work on a well organized project that showed me there is a way to make good projects without the chaos & drama. I'm looking to redefine my identity as being a prepared organizer who can pivot when needed vs. a chaos fixer in hopes I can guide myself to healthier work that gives me freedom to have a personal life. I'm sure there are many other areas, that I'm less aware of to realign to a more positive place but this is a good place to find motivation to pursue more of what I want to attract in life.
I think after many, many years of being afraid to say what I think in some contexts and feeling like I have to curb my "harshness," I'm just embracing that I have strong opinions and trying to balance that vs. creating safe space for people to want to come to me. So that involves: being direct and only offering advice when asked. I think. It's a work in progress but it's working.
Love your analogy to all the writers & producers that seem to have conspired to create your life this way coming from inside you all along! Your way of putting complex ideas into understandable stories is really awesome.
Reading this also reminded me of therapist Marisa Peer's way of explaining it: whatever stories we tell ourselves—good or bad, helpful or destructive—our mind has to make true. Because that's what we're telling ourselves. That's what we believe! So our minds are gonna find alllllll the evidence in the world to prove ourselves right, until we change the story.
And remembering how the writers & producers & actors & audience are all actually within us reminds us of the power we have to make the cool changes we wanna make. The outside stuff can be a distraction from what can help us the most: looking inward at ourselves and what we're thinking, feeling, saying, & doing. Thanks for putting this in such a unique way!
I love this idea, but it is hard to recognize. How do we sift through years of saying we like or want something to see the rough and often unclean nuggets of truth?
Start with a situation in your life that you claim to absolutely not enjoy. Then, for a moment, pretend that you secretly love that situation and write out what benefits you could be getting from this seemingly shit scenario. This is a hard but necessary prompt to engage in. I've been doing this while journaling lately. "I hate this" or "This is really annoying" is now followed by, "But how might I actually love this scenario?" or "What benefits am I getting by not ACTUALLY doing the work of getting myself out of this situation I say I hate?"
Example: I LOVE struggling with weight loss. The ongoing battle gives me a consistent reason to feel bad about myself, which oddly feels familiar and safe. It allows me to focus on an external problem rather than digging into deeper self-worth issues. I also love avoiding the memories of not being athletic as a kid and being picked last for dodgeball and never being invited to play football with the "cool kids." This avoidance reinforces the image I have of myself as a nerd, rather than someone who prioritizes vain pursuits like physical fitness. The struggle also gives me an excuse to avoid fully participating in life, keeping me in a state of constant anticipation of a "better" future rather than confronting the discomforts of the present.
I have to say, finding anyone willing to tell you the hard truth or just their honest contrary opinion anymore is challenging. I used to pride myself on being that person... possibly too blunt about it all, but I feel like my edges have dulled getting adapted in US culture, that is all about unwavering support, or at least that's what it feels like to me.
I love this concept of being your own life producer and writer. It's a perspective I rarely think about. And yes I definitely attract the drama... I need to stop saying I'm so good in the chaos, I can organize the mess.... cuz then all I do is attract more of the same stress into my life... That was a cycle for years, leading to multiple burnouts. I had the opportunity this year to work on a well organized project that showed me there is a way to make good projects without the chaos & drama. I'm looking to redefine my identity as being a prepared organizer who can pivot when needed vs. a chaos fixer in hopes I can guide myself to healthier work that gives me freedom to have a personal life. I'm sure there are many other areas, that I'm less aware of to realign to a more positive place but this is a good place to find motivation to pursue more of what I want to attract in life.
I think after many, many years of being afraid to say what I think in some contexts and feeling like I have to curb my "harshness," I'm just embracing that I have strong opinions and trying to balance that vs. creating safe space for people to want to come to me. So that involves: being direct and only offering advice when asked. I think. It's a work in progress but it's working.
Love your analogy to all the writers & producers that seem to have conspired to create your life this way coming from inside you all along! Your way of putting complex ideas into understandable stories is really awesome.
Reading this also reminded me of therapist Marisa Peer's way of explaining it: whatever stories we tell ourselves—good or bad, helpful or destructive—our mind has to make true. Because that's what we're telling ourselves. That's what we believe! So our minds are gonna find alllllll the evidence in the world to prove ourselves right, until we change the story.
And remembering how the writers & producers & actors & audience are all actually within us reminds us of the power we have to make the cool changes we wanna make. The outside stuff can be a distraction from what can help us the most: looking inward at ourselves and what we're thinking, feeling, saying, & doing. Thanks for putting this in such a unique way!
I love this idea, but it is hard to recognize. How do we sift through years of saying we like or want something to see the rough and often unclean nuggets of truth?
Start with a situation in your life that you claim to absolutely not enjoy. Then, for a moment, pretend that you secretly love that situation and write out what benefits you could be getting from this seemingly shit scenario. This is a hard but necessary prompt to engage in. I've been doing this while journaling lately. "I hate this" or "This is really annoying" is now followed by, "But how might I actually love this scenario?" or "What benefits am I getting by not ACTUALLY doing the work of getting myself out of this situation I say I hate?"
Example: I LOVE struggling with weight loss. The ongoing battle gives me a consistent reason to feel bad about myself, which oddly feels familiar and safe. It allows me to focus on an external problem rather than digging into deeper self-worth issues. I also love avoiding the memories of not being athletic as a kid and being picked last for dodgeball and never being invited to play football with the "cool kids." This avoidance reinforces the image I have of myself as a nerd, rather than someone who prioritizes vain pursuits like physical fitness. The struggle also gives me an excuse to avoid fully participating in life, keeping me in a state of constant anticipation of a "better" future rather than confronting the discomforts of the present.
Lemme know if that makes sense, Kyle.